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The Baby Bjorn Bald Spot

Taken at 1:15:04 pm

Taken at 1:15:07 pm

(Times are approximate.)

It has become painfully obvious over this past week that what we have here is a Level 2 Klingon.

Level 2 you ask? While not as severe as a Level 1 (who will only be happy desperately clinging to Mom every minute of the day), Level 2s must be held by Someone every minute of the day. Sadly, in my case, there is little distinction, because 95% of the time I am the only option. And sadly for Eric (but happily for my sanity!) he is clung to 95% of the time he is home.

Makes me wish we lived closer to family, where there would be an abundance of willing arms. But this post isn’t to wax on about my homesickness. (I live in Manhattan! It’s 10 degrees warmer and 6 feet of snow less than MA! There is anything I want within a 3 block radius! I take George to poop in Riverside park and watch the barges roll down the Hudson! Or planes for that matter!)

Did someone say poop?

I’ve been thinking about my regrets about the last 10 weeks. Wondering if EJ hadn’t spent his first 6 weeks screaming and spewing sour milk, maybe we wouldn’t have spent all day and night holding him, soothing him. Maybe we would have tried baby chairs and mobiles sooner. Maybe he wouldn’t spend every night sleeping on my chest. (That’s right, not just in our bed, but on my chest. For weeks it was the only way I could get any sleep, and now I fear we have a very bad habit on our hands.)

I’m a firm believer in Do What Works, but holy god, I would love for something to work other than the Baby Bjorn. (Although, the Baby Bjorn is a lifesaver – it is by far his favorite carrier). He’s in the Baby Bjorn so much he has a bald spot where the back of his head rubs against the headrest. I wish I were kidding. I would take a picture for you, but he’s strapped to my chest (of course) and that makes taking pictures kinda difficult. Especially of him.

(The sleeping/napping/crib thing from a few weeks ago? Must have been a fluke. Or derailed by the vaccinations, because then he needed to be held for a few days straight cause he felt like crap, and there we are again, in the 24 hour holding pattern.)

I wonder how much is in his nature, and how much is a product of circumstance? Now that I know how to avoid making my milk POISON, will my 2nd child (a complete theoretical at this point – shudder) spend their first month happy and comfortable and be content chilling wherever I lay their swaddled little bottom down? Are all first children doomed to be experiments that we inevitably kinda screw up?

Anyway, this week has been a particularly tired one for me, and I’ve had to put the Endpaper Mitts on hold. It made me tired just looking at the tiny needles. Instead, I cast on (for the third time!) for a February Lady Sweater. Garter Stitch is just my speed right now. Plus it will be the first knitting I’ve done for myself in over 4 months, and right now, I need a little corner of the world that’s just for me.

This is the Brooks Farm Mas Acero I bought at Rhinebeck – the only thing I wanted to buy, and for this purpose nonetheless. (Crazy). I was worried about pooling, but it looks like it might just work out as lovely as it looked in the skein and wound up in the ball. (Fingers crossed.)

That is also the only patch of floor that is clean.

15 Comments Post a comment
  1. Hang in there! Each baby is different, and some just need more than others. My first and second were complete opposites – the first being a really weird mix of independence and clinginess and the second being a happy-go-lucky girl who didn’t have much of an opinion on anything. My experience with my first was similar to yours – and so I won’t even bother with the platitudes as they used to just make me mad. Please just know that you’re not alone – and feel free to email me if you want to talk to someone who’s been there!

    January 29, 2009
  2. Dena #

    I’ll come back and hold him! East coast in winter and all! :) That yarn is so pretty – I can’t wait to see the sweater come along.

    January 29, 2009
  3. It will be ok – we survived and now we have a happy little girl who will let me put her down, but still doesn’t like to sleep. Slowly but surely we’re getting there. And I’m in the “do what works” camp too – and I don’t want my baby to “cry it out,” so if mama and snuggles and nursing are what works, that’s what we do. I could be more well-rested, but I don’t think we’d be as happy.
    Oh, and the vibrating chair saved us – she didn’t like it or the swing much until about 2 1/2 months, but now she’ll tolerate them well.

    January 29, 2009
  4. Jen B #

    Honestly – you’re right on track – do whatever works for you! If you need a break (a little crying won’t kill him – though it might kill you). Good luck & keep up the knitting. In my experience even a few stitches = sanity..

    January 29, 2009
  5. Awww, honey. It’ll get easier.

    January 29, 2009
  6. Michelle #

    I have a 3.5 week old attached to me as I type this with one hand and so I say, thanks for chronicling this time! We’re just starting to work out what makes for “toxic-milk mommy” and it’s hard to know how much gas/crying/clinging/sleeping is normal, but I too believe you just have to go with what works. So far the only thing that seems constant is that they’ll change and grow super quickly! Congrats and good luck!

    January 29, 2009
  7. Manise #

    Oh, Jackie! Been there and done that and yes this too shall pass. But when you are in the midst of it, it kind of sucks. I swear it does get better and you are doing everything right for EJ. Remember you are a good mommy even when you’re trying to figure it all out for the first time. Hugs to you.

    January 29, 2009
  8. Marisa #

    Delurking to say… I don’t think any moms ever look back on their babies’ lives and think “I held him too much when he was little”. Just something to keep in mind.

    Also, he’s adorable. I kept meaning to post and say that.

    Best to you and your boys!

    January 30, 2009
  9. The say that babies who are held more turn out to be self confident individuals as they grow…

    It is hard going through it, but the house work will wait.

    I’m now at the stage (14, 11 and 9) where I would love to be able to sit and hold them again but have to make do with a passing hug whenever they let me :cry:

    January 30, 2009
  10. D #

    Hi! Usually I just lurk. But wanted to say ‘there’s light at the end of the tunnel!’ He is just smart. In my experience, it is the bright babies who can’t just be left in a corner… Try to take him everywhere and keep talking to him. If he learns a lot, it is going to get easier to put him down for a nap. And make sure you’re there the minute he wakes up. He is a smart one. I just know it. And sooo cute!

    January 30, 2009
  11. I would also say “hang in there” … with all the wisdom of having her first now at 4½mo, I can tell you that nothing will be a “pattern” for very long. Every time you thought you had him figured, he’ll change his rythm ;)
    Good luck, and yes, the baby bjorn is a godssent!

    January 30, 2009
  12. Cute kid you’ve got there.

    It must be really interesting reconciling a lifetime spent attaining achievable goals with motherhood, which seems to be a whole different thing. My heartfelt “best of luck with that”.

    January 30, 2009
  13. Any minute, and you don’t know when it will come – but it helps to think of it, he won’t need this. Any night could be the last night he has to sleep on you and sleeps beside you. I promise. It happens, and you don’t have to do anything to make it happen. Hang in. They get older and need other stuff no matter what you do.

    (Also, if it makes you feel better, you can “do what works” with total impunity. He’s not old enough to form a habit.) He’s darling.

    February 2, 2009
  14. Jeff #

    Please send me your home phone number and home address so I can send you something.

    February 3, 2009
  15. I’m with Marisa… when he’s 25 (or even 2) you won’t regret having held him a lot… and you’ll have forgiven him for most if not all of your sleep deprivation. It does get better. And he’s gorgeous. Could he be in early teething mode? Best wishes.

    February 5, 2009

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